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A Botched Opportunity

Ah, yes.  Now I recall why I decided against a life of crime.  Even the most brilliant and dastardly criminal mastermind is eventually caught in the end.

And then there are the rest of us, who are generally caught in the beginning of our ciminal careers.  Like these two geniuses from my hometown:

A few choice excerpts from this real-life, not-concocted-by-a-comedy-sketch-troupe police blotter item:
  • A pair of suspected burglars were caught when police followed their footprints in the snow from a Dubuque store's smashed window to a nearby mobile home park.
  • A resident pointed out a silver car that became stuck in the snow around the time of the break-in.
  • While they were searching the home, police saw Milroy and the juvenile walking on nearby Nightengale Lane.
  • Their clothing matched surveillance video from J & J Pool, and Milroy's shoes left identical prints to those discovered near the broken window.
  • They also had several unopened packs of Marlboro cigarettes with serial numbers matching a carton from J & J Pool.
And finally, sadly:
  • The juvenile told police that he and Milroy were involved in the burglary, according to court documents.
What a missed opportunity!  It could take literally days for this complicated case to proceed through the judicial system.  Those are days in which a more seasoned criminal, say a Rod Blagojevich, could have inflated his celebrity capital.  When the gig is up, all you've got left is your name and if you ever hope to make a buck off it, you have got to flog it to the press in that constitutionally guaranteed window between fucking up royally and hearing the slam of the gavel.

But these two geniuses?  They aren't going to carpe the diem for shit.    What the hell is happening to this great nation of ours?


Well, it doesn't sound like they had much time to smoke before they were caught, but incarceration should reduce their chances of reproduction, at least temporarily.

And of course they couldn't have already knocked up their teenage girlfriends, since they probably haven't been exposed to atheistic sex education. See, here in Catholic country, everyone knows that sex education causes kids to become promiscuous, when otherwise it would never occur to them to have sex.